In this post, Vera Koo lays out her life’s journey, that really began in her 40s, and culminated in finding self-love. Through tragedy and terrible times, she found the shooting sports, became a champion, a Christian and more.
My parents never discussed my purpose in this world.
What do I want to be? Who am I? Where do I fit in?
Those questions simply weren’t posed to girls like me growing up in our Chinese culture. As a young person, I tried to please others. I tried to be everything to everybody. Chinese girls like me were taught to be subservient.
My culture taught me that my place was to keep up the house, cook, care for my husband and children. Don’t misunderstand, I am not complaining about my upbringing. That’s just how our culture was, especially then.
Only after immigrating to the United States, experiencing the world, and navigating some of life’s hurdles did I come to appreciate this American idea of finding yourself. This Western philosophy and other aspects of individualism and self-agency are foreign to our culture.
The emphasis on finding yourself ranks among the many aspects of American culture I appreciate. This type of thinking affords so much more opportunity, especially to women, that I could have ever dreamed of in my culture.
I am a happier person now that I understand myself better and appreciate what I want out of life. I know where I fit. I take control of my journey.
Life becomes more navigable after you learn and accept who you are and who you are not. I try to remind myself that I do not need to live my life to suit others’ expectations of me. Instead, I must live so that, when I look in the mirror, I am happy with the person staring back at me.
Of course, I did not evolve into this American way of thinking overnight. I only attained this evolved philosophy because of my lived experiences.
When I was 47, I experienced a tragedy that shattered my worldview and sent me spiraling into a dark depression. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. Everything I believed in had been stolen from me. So it seemed, anyway, in that moment.
I made a few life changes around that time. A friend helped lead me to Jesus, and I found strength in Him. I sought help with therapy – another taboo in my culture. I learned how to embrace myself and, for the first time, I started to appreciate the importance of self-love.
I remember saying to a friend: I am a valuable person. I am a human being. I have a life. I have self-respect, and I should not be destroyed by situations beyond my control. I must survive.
This marked a big step in my self-love journey, and I began to take personal ownership over my life.
Also around this time, I poured myself into competitive shooting. If I had not gone through my personal hardship, I never would have pursued this sport shooting journey that helped change my life.
As a wife and mother, I had learned so many sports thanks to my husband, Carlos. He exposed me to downhill skiing, horseback riding, windsurfing and water skiing. I know better than to pass up opportunities to learn a new skill.
But, I came to sport shooting all on my own. This sport was something to have for myself, because I wanted it, and not because my husband introduced me to it.
To become a championship shooter, I had to better understand myself and take stock of what I am good at and what I am not.
After trying a few shooting disciplines that did not perfectly mesh with my abilities, I finally landed on Bianchi Cup, the discipline in which I would become an eight-time champion in the National Action Pistol Bianchi Cup Championships in the women’s division.
Success at the Bianchi Cup demands accuracy and consistency. By comparison, Steel Challenge or IPSC prioritizes speed and athleticism, areas that are not my strength.
I knew accuracy to be my strength, but could I develop the necessary consistency for Bianchi Cup? I am a dogged worker who needs a carrot to chase. The slow march of incremental improvements fuels me. I am analytical, disciplined and persistent. I had the self-awareness to know I would practice however many hours required to attain the necessary consistency to excel at the Bianchi Cup.
Everything in my upbringing said I shouldn’t be doing this, that I shouldn’t be away from the home chasing personal goals. But, this was about finding myself and I have the confidence that I could handle both home and the competitive sport together. So I dived headfirst into that American ideal.
Being in the competitive shooting arena demanded that I shut off thinking about what others would say about me. Oh, I heard the gossip.
I was a middle-aged Chinese-American woman with no shooting background, entering a male-dominated sport. What do you think that path looked like?
Other shooters whispered that I wanted to be in this sport so I could be surrounded by men all the time. (Not true.) Friends wondered if I was just off having the time of my life. (No, I was training like a dog.)
I was fortunate to have some people help me along the way. I hold those mentors in high regard to this day. Mostly, though, I had a hard time getting people to take my seriously. I made my own way and fought for every inch. Embracing such a climb demanded that I be honest with myself about what I wanted and how I planned to get there.
Competitive shooting showed me that I can get what I want out of life. I can overcome adversity. I know how to persist and inch my way past struggles and toward the destination where I want to be. I do not have to be stuck in place, affected by circumstances beyond my control. I developed confidence and self-esteem I never had before.
If I had never experienced that event at age 47 that redirected my life, I do not see how I would be where I am now. If not for sport shooting, I never would have developed this type of self-love, confidence and personal ownership. Competitive shooting unlocked a whole new life perspective.
At age 77, I feel content with my life. I am happy. I know exactly who I am. I know exactly what I want my life to be, and I wield the power to make it happen.
I found myself.
Vera Koo is a first-generation Chinese American woman. She’s a wife and mother, author, entrepreneur and retired competition shooter. Along with two published books -- "The Most Unlikely Champion" and "Wisdom and Things: Essays From an Unlikely Champion" -- she writes her column, Vera Koo, at "Women’s Outdoor News." View all posts by Vera Koo
